“Check it out Self! Yours truly ‘s been facing the world head on a few years now. (Buzzed hair and all.)”
“Congrats” you say.
“While still tackling the clutter, I am cheered (and encouraged) by the amount of headway I’ve made. Am even feeling confident it can be kept down to a dull roar. (On a good day I believe even a whisper of a meow is possible.)
“Woo-hoo!” you exclaim. “So what’s left?”
“A whole lota SNOG. (And not the fun, kissing, smooching, British lower-case kind of snogging).”
“So what’s SNOG?! you ask. (Okay, exclaim exasperated.)
“SNOG stands for all those “should-a,” “need-to,” “ought-to,” and “gotta”s you’re carrying around.”
“I’m carrying around?”
“Fine. You want to play fair. We’ll play fair. You’re not the one dragging them, Self, it’s me. While a lot of people see me as a strong, confident, go-to, woman, truth is there’s a lot more mixed up mush and confusion inside than I’d like.”
“Still stuck on SNOG.”
“Okay, I’m exhausted from trying to act on all advice, counsel and suggestions (well-meaning, wise and/or wonderful) I’ve gotten over the years, be it from books, persons, mentors, enlightened souls, internet, or etc. Fact is I started this blog May 19, 2012 in an effort to find my “It.” That wonderful passion which would excite me and make me happy to wake up in the morning. Over two years later and I still don’t have an “it” and while the doodles in the blog are entertaining, the blog (like me) is without direction.”
“How can you be without direction when you’re heeding the counsel of others?” you ask.
“Well that’s the thing. You listen to too many voices & you go round, and round, and round in circles. You expend a lot of energy, but you never get any where.”
“And you have a plan?” you ask.
“Self, I’ve got a doozy.”
“You’re going to share?” you ask.
“Between now and the end of the year I will only maintain current responsibilities and commitments. I will do right by the man I work with, pay all my bills, and do necessary chores. Aside from that, you Self, will take the lead.”
“Moi?” you ask.
“Yep. You want to have a video veg. That’s what’ll happen. You want to up and leave for a day or weekend trip, that’s what’ll happen. (Won’t be upping and leaving for a permanent move because of the commitments I’ve made.)”
“Why now?” you ask.
“Seems appropriate that as we’re entering into autumn, “fall,” I will symbolically (and perhaps literally) let fall by the wayside all those beepin’ SNOGs I acquired along the way.”
“Isn’t this a bit narcissistic and selfish?” you ask.
“Don’t believe it’s narcissistic since I’m keeping commitments to others so they’re not left in a lurch. As for selfish, why is that necessarily a bad thing?”
“Hey, I’m cool. Just know being selfish has a bad rep” you say.
“The way I see it, I’m more than willing to carry my load. I’m more than willing to take responsibility for my actions. However, I’m no longer willing to carry the load of others, nor be responsible for their actions. The majority of the SNOGs I’m carrying around don’t belong to me. It’s not my responsibility to carry them any longer.”
“How do I fit into this plan of yours?” you ask.
“You’re going to help me decipher which SNOGs are actually mine and worth keeping. It’ll be fun to see which go the way of my hair and all the stuff that was clutter cleared.”
“When are you implementing this plan of yours?” you ask.
“Now. First day of autumn is September 23, so we’re a few days early, and first day of winter is December 21, so we’ll go out a few days. So, while I’m definitely game, the question is Self, are you in?”
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