For years I’d jokingly laughed about how much better things are according to “Tana’s World.” Intrigued with the idea of both spewing forth and leaving my mark (plus wanting to both write and doodle) I began to blog under that name. Originally I’d hoped to dispense “words of wisdom” and offer insight … perhaps even tools or a roadmap to help others as they muddled on through. I quickly realized I was in the process of muddling myself. That said, the best I could do was share experiences.
There was one problem. I’m not really good about opening up or sharing. (Just ask the Love of My Life.) Looking over some of the earlier posts, I note that while I wasn’t exactly pontificating, I was “trying” too hard. (For the record, the LoML has shown me how time and time again the only thing I’ve gained by “trying” is tripping myself up. It’s when I stop “trying” and simply allow myself to “be” that things start coming together. One of those Zen like dichotomies … sort of like when you let go, things come your way. lol)
Somewhere along the line, someone mentioned I needed to insert a bit more of myself into the blog posts. (Welcome all yea SNOGs [shoulds, need-to’s, oughtas and gottas] to Tana’s World — not.) Of course, I “tried.” (Always figure others know more than me.) Egads and yikes. I was so frustrated with twisting myself up in knots, I finally shut down and went off the grid for over a year.
I came back. Why? I can’t answer. Though I’ve looked diligently, the blog doesn’t seem to have a direction.
Though I packed up, drove country, moved onto a houseboat, later a sailboat, then started cruising, this isn’t a blog about any of that.
I’ve become a baker of sourdough bread (recently adding sourdough English muffins to my repertoire), a brewer of Kombucha, a fermented food maker (sauerkraut, cauliflower, sweet onions, apples and carrots, etc.), buttermilk (yum!) — all on a 45-foot sailboat — this isn’t a blog about any of that.
While having so much fun with the bells and whistles laden digital single-reflex camera the LoML gifted me this past birthday, Photoshop, and adding doodles to the mix (among other things), this isn’t a blog about that.
Even though I practice yoga regularly on a 45-foot sailboat, both outside on the foredeck, inside the upper salon, in the pit, and pretty much anywhere on the boat, this isn’t a blog about that.
As a technologically-challenged person, this is definitely not a blog about that.
And yet here I am writing another post. (Posts which have been all over the place.) Still there have been two constants throughout: 1) There has always been at least one doodle and, 2) I’ve always tried to find something positive in a given situation. Hope. Encouragement. Laughter. Whimsy.
By all measures, this blog is a failure. It doesn’t have a genre or specific category, a large following, businesses wanting to advertise on it. The SNOGs rambling around in my head had me feeling the pain of being a failure — until recently.
Lorelei James wrote, “I’d rather live with failure than live with regret.” That got me thinking about my blog.
By blogging I put myself out there. Yes. And while there haven’t been hordes of followers, there have been a few who were encouraged. Who feel better for having read something I wrote, for having smiled at a doodle, for enjoying a photo or doodle-tog I shared. There have even been moments when I’m surprised to find I’ve encouraged myself. Given myself the cheering on necessary to move forward. To try something new. There have been special moments when my darlin’ twenty-something has been moved by something I wrote.
What the future holds, I know not. Whether or not the blog continues and in what form is not of import. What is of import is that thanks to Ms. James’ quote, I’m excited to say that when it comes to my blog, I’m not living with either regret or failure. And that my friends, is huge!
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