No Tears For My Father

    a.212w monter X-botWhat kind of man brings a living, breathing, viable, human being into the world, only to turn around and make her his personal sex toy? Rape her repeatedly? Rear her in total and utter fear? Convince her she is ugly? Useless? Worthless? No one would have her? That he is doing her a “favor,” teaching her the ways of men? That she should feel good about it all since she is doing her part in keeping their family together? After all, while he’s busy raping her at home, he’s not out and about having affairs. (Having affairs would upset her mother.)

    No man I know. Only a monster. Such a monster Viga Boland called father.

    As I read Viga’s earliest memories (around age three or four) in her memoir, No Tears For My Father, I kept thinking, “This can’t be for real.” By the time she got to 11, and her father commenced his systematic and complete domination of her physical body (having laid the ground work for the mental, emotional, and spiritual from the beginning) I wanted to scream. I wanted to give the ultimate tongue lashing to whatever Supreme Being is out there for letting this happen. I wanted to cry for her and all those who’ve endured such atrocities. What she lived with day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, I can’t even imagine. (Even though I read the words my mind simply couldn’t grasp the totality of what she’d been through.)

    There’s no self-pity in this book. Not a single “Woe is me.” Viga Boland shares her TRUE story of incest because she believes the way to stop this travesty — this horrible thing many parents do to their children (often fathers to their daughters) — is to come out from under. As she says, “Victim’s voices are the best weapons against child sexual abuse.”

    a.213w monster no see

    Viga Boland is more than a survivor. She is the embodiment of a human soul being the strongest weapon on earth. She proves there are spirits which cannot be denied.

    Come Out From Under
    When you finally come out from under
    And absolve yourself of blame
    When you cast aside the crippling fear
    And rid yourself of shame

    As you peel away the layers
    To expose the soul below
    You will come to love that person
    The one you didn’t know:
    The one you lost so long ago. ~ Viga Boland

    If you haven’t read Viga Boland’s book, I highly recommend it. While it is graphic (she tells it like it was), there is no self-pity. No Tears for My Father allows her voice — a child’s voice — to come through the pain of the past. Because her voice needed to be heard, she released it … on behalf of herself and those who have gone through the horrible nightmare of childhood sexual abuse — be it rape, incest, molestation, or other. While this isn’t a sugar-coated read, it’s not a downer. I don’t know how in terms of actual writing style Ms. Boland managed that, but she did. It truly is a well-written book on a subject that is both painful and often hidden. Viga Boland is doing her part to come out from under, shake off that residual shame, and step into the light of day.

    “But the more I tell how he made me bleed
    The less I hurt; the more I’m freed.

    My greatest wish for all of you
    Is one day you’ll feel as I do
    That you’ll realize the past is done
    And put it away so you can move on
    He won the battles but I won the war
    That ghost can’t hurt me anymore!” ~ Viga Boland

    c.303w phoenix risingMay all those children ~ male and female ~ who’ve been on the receiving end of such horrors reach that milestone of healing.

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    Tammy - July 9, 2014 - 10:03 am

    Sorrowfully beautiful, Tana. The horrors of this kind of action have been going on for years. Everywhere in the world. I can’t begin to imagine the mind that perpetuates such hideous crimes against our children. The poems you shared are awesome and uplifting. A true sense of freedom. I cry and cheer for her. A great sharing here today, Tana. Your doodles spoke well for the text. Thanks for that.

    Viga Boland - July 9, 2014 - 10:46 am

    Oh Tana!

    I have never been so moved by a review of my book. What you said brought tears to my eyes. I can’t thank you enough for posting this, including my poems, and links to my site so others can learn more about me and the book. I am humbled and honoured. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    I am currently putting the finishing touches on the Sequel to my story, which will be named “Learning to love myself”. It will be a much easier read and comforting to all who know my story and to other victims. I want them to know there is a life after childhood sexual abuse once they fully accept that the blame and shame is not theirs but the person who abused them. Once they forgive themselves for what happened, they too can move on.

    Again, my sincerest thanks. I will be sharing this on my personal and author’s fan page at Facebook.

    Viga

    Tana Bevan - July 9, 2014 - 2:00 pm

    Tammy~Less than a week ago I did not know Viga Boland nor the book, “No Tears for My Father” existed. Now I feel I’ve been permanently altered, in a good way. That she was not only able to rise above such unspeakable horrors, but can speak about them in such a way as to gain release from their hold on her psyche AND not add to anyone’s heavy burden of sadness is a reflection on her spirit (indomitable) and gift as a writer. To equate poetry and lyricism with such an awful subject seems like an oxymoron, yet her book truly is lyrical and poetic. AMAZING. (I’m pretty sure I read somewhere she’s an award-winning poet.) Again, Kudos to an apparently amazing woman who wrote an amazing book.

    Tana Bevan - July 9, 2014 - 2:14 pm

    Viga~I was incredibly moved, by your story, by the way you told your story, by what both of them say about you, your psyche, and your spirit. Even reading the words, I can’t even imagine. And yet, with the grace and joy your writing conveys, I never once experienced “survivor’s guilt” (perhaps more accurately explained as “dodging the bullet” guilt) as has happened when I’ve heard/read others’ accounts of the abuse they experienced.

    I am very much looking forward to reading your sequel.

    Here’s wishing you continued healing. By “coming out from under,” by healing, you’re both clearing a path and encouraging others to do the same. As you wrote, “Victim’s voices are the best weapons against child sexual abuse.” May all the victims’ voices — yours and theirs — ring loud and clear.

    Viga Boland - July 9, 2014 - 8:01 pm

    Thanks again for your additional reply Tana and the lovely message you left for Tammy too. I think I needed your words today, just to affirm that yes, what I did was good and is and will help others. I’m delighted that you are also interested in reading my sequel. Will let you know when it’s available and I know you’ll share that with others. Or Just subscribe to my VIANVISIONS BLOG on my website. That’s where it’s likely to be first announced.

    By the way, in case you come across who are victims of child sexual abuse/incest, I also maintain a blog at http://vigaland.blogspot.com that might be of interest to them.

    Big hugs to you my new friend!

    Sheila Bergquist - July 9, 2014 - 11:29 pm

    I bow down to both of you, Tana and Viga. Thank you Tana for bringing this to our attention. Thank you Viga for being a person who wants to help heal these wounds for people. I haven’t read the book yet, but already cannot describe how much admiration I have for you, for being able to come out of such a horrific situation and now helping others. Bless you.

    Shelley Sackier - July 10, 2014 - 7:18 am

    Wow, Tana, a powerful story and a most worthy read. Thank you for passing on her messages and for bringing her important truth to light. It’s on my book list. Wonderful post!

    Tana Bevan - July 10, 2014 - 2:09 pm

    Viga~So glad my words gave you a pick-me-up. Score one for the “Encourager bar none”!
    The Clothesline Project, http://www.clotheslineproject.org/ “is a vehicle for women affected by violence to express their emotions by decorating a shirt. They then hang the shirt on a clothesline to be viewed by others as testimony to the problem of violence against women. With the support of many, it has since spread world-wide.”
    Any means necessary to get the word out and to free those who’ve suffered sexual abuse gets my vote!
    Thank you again for doing your part.

    Tana Bevan - July 10, 2014 - 2:13 pm

    Sheila~Sexual abuse, particularly sexual abuse of children is a scary subject. How does one who hasn’t experienced sexual abuse relate to one who has? How does one truly grasp the horror of one human being doing this to another? How does one who has experienced sexual abuse move on? Stories are told one word at a time. Light is created one flame at a time. Anything and everything is built one step at a time. It’s up to each one of us to be aware of the steps we are taking. Viga offered an excellent reminder.

    Tana Bevan - July 10, 2014 - 2:17 pm

    Shelley~I think it is pretty apparent from the tone of the post that I was incredibly moved by Viga Boland’s story and highly recommend her book. (The manner in which she told her tale was very helpful, i.e., her writing style.) If by your reading it another flame is added to the collection, this is GOOD. If you in turn share this with others and they do the same, then more flames will be collected, and more light will shine on the subject, which is even BETTER. Cockroaches and evil people don’t like the light.

    […] Tana left me a wonderful review for my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, on both Amazon and on her personal blog. I was thrilled by the coverage and promotion she gave me by doing this. I had to know more about […]

    Viga Boland - July 13, 2014 - 7:05 pm

    Thank you Sheila Bergquist and Shelley Sackier for your kind words. I truly hope you both get to read my book, currently available for FREE for 10 more days from Story Cartel, where Tana found it. I also have the ebook version selling for only $4 at Smashwords until the end of July: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/377698

    Unfortunately, if one wants a signed, printed copy, those are only available directly through me via my personal website at http://www.vigaboland.com I only have about 25 copies of the printed book left.

    In the meantime, I’d llke to invite you over to read my latest blog post starring your friend and mine, Tana Bevan. She kindly contributed a simply wonderful and inspiring piece for writers to my Vianvisions Blog. I hope you’ll read it and leave a message for Tana below the blog. Thanks in advance:

    https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/377698