What kind of man brings a living, breathing, viable, human being into the world, only to turn around and make her his personal sex toy? Rape her repeatedly? Rear her in total and utter fear? Convince her she is ugly? Useless? Worthless? No one would have her? That he is doing her a “favor,” teaching her the ways of men? That she should feel good about it all since she is doing her part in keeping their family together? After all, while he’s busy raping her at home, he’s not out and about having affairs. (Having affairs would upset her mother.)
No man I know. Only a monster. Such a monster Viga Boland called father.
As I read Viga’s earliest memories (around age three or four) in her memoir, No Tears For My Father, I kept thinking, “This can’t be for real.” By the time she got to 11, and her father commenced his systematic and complete domination of her physical body (having laid the ground work for the mental, emotional, and spiritual from the beginning) I wanted to scream. I wanted to give the ultimate tongue lashing to whatever Supreme Being is out there for letting this happen. I wanted to cry for her and all those who’ve endured such atrocities. What she lived with day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, I can’t even imagine. (Even though I read the words my mind simply couldn’t grasp the totality of what she’d been through.)
There’s no self-pity in this book. Not a single “Woe is me.” Viga Boland shares her TRUE story of incest because she believes the way to stop this travesty — this horrible thing many parents do to their children (often fathers to their daughters) — is to come out from under. As she says, “Victim’s voices are the best weapons against child sexual abuse.”
Viga Boland is more than a survivor. She is the embodiment of a human soul being the strongest weapon on earth. She proves there are spirits which cannot be denied.
Come Out From Under
When you finally come out from under
And absolve yourself of blame
When you cast aside the crippling fear
And rid yourself of shame
As you peel away the layers
To expose the soul below
You will come to love that person
The one you didn’t know:
The one you lost so long ago. ~ Viga Boland
If you haven’t read Viga Boland’s book, I highly recommend it. While it is graphic (she tells it like it was), there is no self-pity. No Tears for My Father allows her voice — a child’s voice — to come through the pain of the past. Because her voice needed to be heard, she released it … on behalf of herself and those who have gone through the horrible nightmare of childhood sexual abuse — be it rape, incest, molestation, or other. While this isn’t a sugar-coated read, it’s not a downer. I don’t know how in terms of actual writing style Ms. Boland managed that, but she did. It truly is a well-written book on a subject that is both painful and often hidden. Viga Boland is doing her part to come out from under, shake off that residual shame, and step into the light of day.
“But the more I tell how he made me bleed
The less I hurt; the more I’m freed.
My greatest wish for all of you
Is one day you’ll feel as I do
That you’ll realize the past is done
And put it away so you can move on
He won the battles but I won the war
That ghost can’t hurt me anymore!” ~ Viga Boland
May all those children ~ male and female ~ who’ve been on the receiving end of such horrors reach that milestone of healing.
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