One SNOG Down

    a.266w who knows_qm

    My intent was to entertain you by presenting side-by-side monologues ~ one being Me, the other Self. (Me having had an extremely rough week, Self having a delightful one.) However, Me is emotionally drained and Self declined.

    Me dealt with drama.

    a.265w sick car*There was multiple car drama.

    Car One failed it’s Test Only smog check by a mile. Luckily and thanks to my mechanic who’s “The Man,” Car One passed.

    Before Car Two completely died, I maneuvered it in the general direction of a curb. I was shocked when the next morning the car cooperated long enough for me to drive it to “The Man,” who fixed it (charging very little for that honor).

    Waiting is Car Three’s operative word. Waiting to be sold. Waiting for Signator One to sign off. Waiting for Signator Two to sign off. Waiting for Signator One to sign off in ALL the appropriate spots. Waiting for Signator Two to explain why there’s a strike out on the pink slip. Waiting for the paperwork to come back while the buyer is still interested. (You get the idea.)

    a.264w twenty something*There was twenty-something drama. Without divulging confidences, I will say I am privileged to know — up close and personal — one amazing twenty-something. This young woman taps into her Little Voice, heeds its counsel, acts appropriately when she sees a wrong, and is willing to trust the Universe that by doing right by her Little Voice, things will work out. This week she’s discovered when you do those things, support and encouragement come from sources you never knew existed.

    a.16cw computer kicking butt*There was techno-drama. This is the one that kicked me in the butt. I’ve laughed about how techno-glitches are my hot button. How I overreact and they send me over the top. I wasn’t laughing this week. Even though I did everything right so I’d have backups if the computer failed (system recovery discs, system images, restore points, back ups and back ups to the back ups) , none of them worked. And while I’m fortunate my techie friend is willing to help after working 10-hour days, even that’s not getting the glitch fixed.

    The office computer issue is pure SNOG. I work with a techno-phobe. Since I at least know how to turn on a computer (okay, so I know a little more than that *smiles*) I started taking on more of the computer maintenance, updates, reinstalls, etc.

    I figured, “I should be able to help.” Buying into the mind-over-matter, I-can-do-anything-I-set-my-mind-to philosophy. However, I neglected to take into account that I don’t WANT to do this for the “job.” And with a HUGE amount of attitude and resentment accumulating over time, I am literally getting sick from it’s toxicity. (Not good.)

    “I need to be self-sufficient.” That meant, to my warped thinking, I need to know everything, and be able to do everything, for everyone. (Impossible.)

    “I ought to be able to figure this out.” How difficult can it be? Well, as technies around the world know, sometimes it can be EXTREMELY difficult. And, as I wrote above, I don’t want to deal with this for someone else. It’s not what I was hired to do. (No more.)

    “I gotta come up with the answers.” Since I’m the one who took this on, I gotta come up with the answers. I gotta see it through. Okay, my value system requires I stick this out, but henceforth I am going to be ever vigilant before I pick up another SNOG!

    c.325w celebrate goodRereading this post showed me I’d again focused on the negative. There was a lot I handled well this week. I did some wonderful things for mySELF. True, the techno-glitches upset me, but they weren’t my entire week. That said, I am officially going to celebrate the good Me accomplished, and revel in the joy Self had. And if I fall back into my habit of focusing on the negative, I’m going to look at my doodle which I just printed.

    Get Doodled!

    A custom, unique, one-of-a-kind, made-just-for-you Doodled Avatar.
    Avatars are your face in cyberspace. Avatars represent who and what you are. Click HERE for more information!

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    Star - September 24, 2014 - 2:11 pm

    You did a positive about the 20-something, and I do believe you had a lot to do with her ability to shine.

    As for the cars and computers ~ machines, all. They may indeed be plotting to take over the world, but they can’t do that if they keep breaking. ;-}

    Take care, dear friend, and let a long walk in nature help you heal.

    Star - September 24, 2014 - 2:36 pm

    BTW: I just found this “count your blessings” thing on Rob Brezsny’s weekly horoscope email. I thought it was worth sharing, if only because I’m constantly trying to be more positive and grateful:

    “Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment
    you wake up. Through some magic you don’t fully understand, you’re still
    breathing and your heart is beating, even though you’ve been
    unconscious for many hours. The air is a mix of gases that’s just right for
    your body’s needs, as it was before you fell asleep.

    “You can see! Light of many colors floods into your eyes, registered by
    nerves that took God or evolution or some process millions of years to

    “The interesting gift of these vivid hues is furthermore made possible by
    an unimaginably immense globe of fire, the sun, which continually
    detonates nuclear explosions in order to convert its own body into light
    and heat and energy for your personal use.

    “Your hands work wonderfully well. Your heart circulates your blood all the
    way out to replenish the energy of the muscles and nerves in your fingers
    and palms and wrists. And after your blood has delivered its blessings, it
    finds its way back to your heart to be refreshed. This wondrous mystery
    recurs over and over again without stopping every minute of your life.

    “You can smell intoxicating aromas. You can hear provocative and soothing
    sounds. You can taste a thousand different tastes. How is any of this
    possible? You can think thoughts any time you want — big, wide, colorful
    thoughts or tiny dark burrowing thoughts. You can revel and wallow in
    great oceans of emotion. What colossal secret intelligence or improbable
    series of fabulous accidents conspired to bestow these superpowers upon


    Star - September 24, 2014 - 2:39 pm

    Uh-huh. The sound recording on the website is a little over the top, but still the written sentiment is there.

    Tana Bevan - September 24, 2014 - 4:25 pm

    Star~ Hehe. The idea of machines/computers trying to take over the world, but unable to because they keep breaking (and in the end need humans to fix … my contribution to the thought) brought a smile to my face. You’re right, the recording’s elocution definitely borders on the over-the-top, but that’s okay. Sometimes that little (lotta?) extra helps make a point. I do like the idea ” big, wide, colorful thoughts or tiny dark burrowing thoughts.” I suppose if you wanted to put a spin on that, you could say, “No thought too big or too small to think.” *smiles*

    Always wonderful to hear from you my friend. As for looking for and/or focusing on the positive and that which to be grateful for, those are worthy endeavors indeed. Thank you for sharing. *hugs*

    Sheila Bergquist - September 26, 2014 - 12:38 am

    Sounds like a hell of a week! Trying to stay positive when negativity is hitting you from all sides is quite a trick (one I’m still desperately trying to learn!)but it sounds like you did pretty good! Love all the doodles on this post! Here’s hoping next week is good to you.

    Tana Bevan - September 26, 2014 - 5:50 pm

    Sheila~ Thank you for your good wishes. As for next week, you and me both. Am so glad the work week is over and I don’t have to deal with someone ELSE’s computer issues. Woo-hoo! Have a good one!!!

    Shelley Sackier - September 27, 2014 - 4:29 pm

    Firstly, I love the gratitude “count your blessings” bit that Star left as a comment. It’s so true and I “count” on those blessing every single day.
    Secondly, Tana, what a week you’ve had. Sometimes, instead of getting advice from well-meaning friends and supporters, the one thing we crave most is simply a “I hear you, girlfriend,” and a “I feel your frustration. It’ll get better because it usually does,” kind of comment.
    Consider this an internet hug of encouragement. Sometimes, it all goes to hell in a handbasket. Sometimes the stars align. I hope the next few days even things out with a few bright and happy moments.

    Tana Bevan - September 27, 2014 - 10:14 pm

    Shelley~I REALLY appreciate your internet hug of encouragement. Working on shaking off the office-related frustration and reclaiming my own space. Will be very glad when this computer fiasco is resolved. (Going into week three I think. Of course there was a mini glitch a few weeks before that which had it down a few days. *crosses eyes*) My intent is to NEVER again deal with someone else’s computer issues. *Woman with a plan!* And while Amara is no longer at death’s door for which I am EXTREMELY grateful, the lumpy bumpy scabs are taking over. It was the flea repellent that almost killed her. The steroids she was given didn’t work and caused her to be incontinent. Be interesting to see how this resolves itself (if it resolves itself.) This is definitely an interesting “season.” It definitely explains the intense craving to clutter clear. That’s something I can both have control over and accomplish. Haha.