What Would Someone Who Liked Themself Do?

    c_510w-old-thinking-youngAgreed, “Do as if and it will be” doesn’t apply to every situation. If you’re 70-year old, no amount of “do as if” you’re a 14-year old teenager will turn back the hands of time. You may acquire the moniker of eccentric (if you’re wealthy) or crazy (if you’re not). You may even be pitied or have others walk a wide berth around you. But you will remain 70-years old.

    However, if say you dislike yourself, and you decide you’ve had enough of that (or someone close to you calls you on it and challenges you to “man up” [woman up?]), what do you do? You can “Fake it till you make it” or, if little rah-rahs don’t do it for you, you can simply decide to act as if you like yourself.

    “How,” you might ask, “would I know how to do that, if I’ve been disliking myself for so long?” (Perhaps even as far back as you can remember.)

    For starters you have to accept as f-a-c-t (the four letter eff-word some hate more than any other) a few things:

    ~It will not be a seamless transition.

    ~It will take time to transition.

    ~You will make mistakes along the way.

    ~You have derived some sort of comfort in disliking yourself so you will wind up back there again — particularly when your stress levels ratchet up. (Keep in mind that with time, you seeking solace in your self-dislike will be for shorter durations and have longer intervals between bouts.)

    So what are the nuts and bolts? Good question. Some do-able Do’s and Don’t’s come to mind.

    c_511w-kudos*DO give yourself Kudos for what you do.
    ^Wash dishes (Kudos)
    ^Do laundry (Kudos)
    ^Study for a test (Kudos)
    ^Take the test (Kudos)
    ^Pass the test (Kudos)

    *DO accept compliments. A simple “Thank you” suffices.

    *DO know that by virtue of being able to like another, you have the ability and skill set to like yourself. (As a wise single-digit child said, “Because you did it once, you know you can do it again.”)

    *DON’T think (or believe) your ability to accomplish something is a fluke.

    *DO give yourself credit.
    ^Your suggestion made someone’s life easier. (Credit due.)
    ^You helped another person with a task (Credit due.)
    ^You did something behind-the-scenes (Credit due.)
    ^You kept a household running. (Credit due.)
    ^You do your job well. (Credit due.)

    *DON’T beat yourself up for your mistakes.

    *DO learn from your mistakes … then let them go!

    *DON’T spend hours (days, weeks, months, years) beating yourself up for something you did (or didn’t) do.

    *DO listen to what others have to say about how this process can work. Then decide for yourself if their suggestion(s) is(are) a good fit for you.

    c_509w-body-ishFinally, if you notice yourself wigging out, over-reacting or distracting yourself with day-to-day busy-ness so you don’t “have” to think about this, hit the pause button in your brain, take a deep breath and
    *DO ask yourself, “What would a person who liked themself do?” I am confident you’ll come up with an answer which will work for you.

    By doing these diligently, consistently and getting back on track each time you stray, by “Doing as if” you’re a person who likes herself/himself often enough, I can see you BEING a person who likes herself/himself. Kudos to you!

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    Sheila Bergquist - October 26, 2016 - 3:59 am

    Wow, what a great inspiring post…thanks, I needed this!

    Tana Bevan - October 26, 2016 - 3:42 pm

    Sheila, Glad it resonated with you. Sometimes, even when we know a particular answer to a question we’ve been pondering it’s comforting to know others are exploring it as well. Undecided as to which is more exciting — them reaching the same conclusion or passing on a thread to follow or point of view I hadn’t considered.

    IR - October 26, 2016 - 4:33 pm

    this is beautiful :)

    Tana Bevan - October 26, 2016 - 5:19 pm

    Thank you. Means a lot coming from you. *hugs*